Why this won’t be in the paper:
1) It’s not that funny.
2) It’s about something no one cares about.

Previous Discarded Dilligafs:

Discarded Dilligaf #1
Discarded Dilligaf #2
Discarded Dilligaf #3

The Final Cuts of the so Sexy ‘Nip/Tuck’

“Nip/Tuck” has challenged audiences – and the ratings system – for six incredible seasons, along with its “Final Nine.”

The FX hit show reached its pinnacle in the fifth season, and probably should have ended there; but they kept going, they kept writing, and they kept the creativity flowing. The show, without a doubt, lost much of its original flare after the fifth season, but “Nip/Tuck” fans couldn’t be more thrilled to have the season return.

Quite simply, the show is a guilty pleasure. Like chocolate cake at midnight. You just cannot stop watching. And I must admit that I was upset to hear the show was ending its run. Four episodes remain, including the series finale, and I am counting down until the day my favorite television show goes off the air. Counting down because, well, what will ever be able to replace this addiction? I can’t wait to see how it ends, though I will be rather upset to see it gone.

This season has consisted of ups and downs in all areas, and, with every down, Sean (Dylan Walsh) and Christian’s (Julian McMahon) lives get a little messier, a little crazier, a little sexier, and a lot harder.

As the “Final Nine” unravels, Christian’s long, drawn-out frustration, which has been building up for a whole decade, toward his best friend and partner Christian begins to explode. He resents Christian for ruining his shot at Harvard. He can’t stand Christian for treating others so poorly. A few times, Sean decides to leave the practice and do something more meaningful and humanitarian, by his standards, with his talented surgeon skills. Of course, a sexy woman gets in the way and Sean’s plans to travel to Africa to help the needy there fail.

Christian still cannot make up his mind about Kimber, but he knows one thing: “no babies.” The two are so wrong for one another that they are absolutely perfect as a newly, and finally, married couple. But, as always, their relationship hits a rough patch, and becomes incredibly detached and strained. Kimber even fakes an orgasm! Yeah, Christian was pretty pissed.

And, what would “Nip/Tuck” be without cheating and lies? Kimber and Sean fall into a sex-driven adulterous relationship. It ends just before Kimber commits suicide by jumping off Mike’s (“Saved By the Bell’s Mario Lopez) yacht. I must say that I miss Kimber. At times, I couldn’t decide whether I hated her or loved her; in the end, I know I have loved her. Her character was so well-rounded, with all her perfections and flaws battling one another. Beautiful on the outside, ruined on the inside. And that’s the last we’ve seen of scrumptious Mario Lopez, always parading with his shirt off, abs rippling. He fit his role well.

Speaking of characters gone astray, where is Wilbur through all of this? And Jenna, who you only see maybe once? The little ones seem to be forgotten. Though they wouldn’t add much to the series, they are a part of it, and it is a put-off to see them simply written out of the scripts without so much as a one-line explanation.

Matt has been living life on a clean slate now, something new for him. After his odd mime phase, the writers might have agreed to give him less of a prominent role, for the mime days were too strange, even for Matt.

Julia is too be missed as well. But rumor has it that she will return for the closure to deliver shocking information about Annie and Connor (Sean’s other two children).

The cinematography is as great as ever. The lines are clever. The stories of the patients who visit MacNamara/Troy are as both touching and strange as always, with each tale tying into the lives of the main characters in a beautifully haunting way.

A huge downfall is, well, less sex and provocative scenes in “Nip/Tuck”. Fans of the show love those down-right dirty scenes. Christian bending a patient over his desk, for example. Although there has been some sexy lines and scenes, the last season and the last few episodes do not live up to the show’s reputation. Not even close. Where is that “Nip/Tuck” fire? Where is the passion, or the lack-of (in Christian’s case)? Where is Christian snorting cocaine off Kimber’s ass? Where is Julia turning lesbian, but not getting off from her female lover? Where is Christian and Kimber going to a swinger’s bash and Kimber getting into an all-female threesome to turn on her lover? They all live on DVD, if you can afford it.

If you’re a “Nip/Tuck” guru, keep up with the final four episodes. What ending do you predict? It seems Christian has to die, because what the hell will he do after their practice ends? Other than be a 45-year-old trying to get with 21-year-olds?; or, perhaps, Sean, with his huge heart, will die for the man who he both hates and loves. Maybe there won’t be any more deaths. Maybe they will all live happily ever after. Doubt it. That is not Nip/Tuck-ish. Something shocking, totally surprising, and completely… weird… must happen.

And I sure cannot wait to find out how my favorite series, a huge FX hit, ends its successful era.

Will bestseller ‘Dear John’ be as beautiful on screen as on the page?
In 2006, the “New York Times” best-selling author Nicholas Sparks published “Dear John” in which he merged the two entirely different existences of two young adult souls: one, a troubled male who turns to the army for guidance, and, the second, a genuine southern-bell gal who doesn’t want to fall in love.

But with a mastermind romantic like Sparks, John Tyree and Savannah Lynn Curtis meet, fall in love, and fall apart in a captivating and, of course, heartbreaking tale.

Sparks has opened up the hearts of millions, giving them the sheer belief in true love. His knack for transcending love of the most unattainable into the completely tangible is outstanding. Luckily, several of his heartrending stories have been brought to life via the big screen.This Friday, January 5, “Dear John” will become another major motion picture that started as just a vision in the lovesick mind of Sparks.While “Dear John” resembles “The Notebook” in summary (two young individuals meet in the summer in North Carolina, and are torn apart for inevitable reasons, but stay in touch through written letters), John and Savannah’s story stands as its own.

Unfortunately, this book was written post-Notebook, so it will constantly be compared to the story of Noah and Allie. If Sparks had written “Dear John” first, the book would be worth so much more because it is, ultimately, a far better written novel. The main characters are well-rounded and believable, including John’s autistic father and Savannah’s humble friend, Tim. The emotions exhibited by the characters are written in a way that makes readers get on the same level with them and feel what they feel. Love, passion, fidelity. Jealousy, melancholy, frustration.

The novel is told in the first-person from the perspective of John. It is written as if he were talking directly to the reader, like a conversation of sorts. He speaks in the present tense in the year 2006, letting readers know that he and Savannah are no more, and it was he who ended it. To find out their story and why it had to end, one must read on.

The story plunges into Part I of the book, set in North Carolina during the year 2000. John gives background information about his life, especially about his relationship with his coin-collecting father. Then he recaps how he met Savannah in entrancing detail while on his yearly break from the infantry. Where their story begins is unexpected, yet quite charming. Soon, the growing love between the two feels so real that it becomes challenging to put the novel down.“Dear John” is an easy read with a steady pace that quickens and slows at just the right parts. The pace is controlled with both summaries and scenes, some blooming with detail.

John’s vivid descriptions of Savannah’s characteristics, like the way she laughs and elusively smiles, are touching and relatable. Many can either relate to that otherworldly romance that leaves both partners positively changed. Also many can relate to having a loved one in the army.

After a short two weeks, Savannah and John have sculpted a love that some take a lifetime to master. And then John is sent back to his base in Germany. The lovers learn of distance and patience, of ever-growing affection and how the heart is powerful enough to transform the soul.Before John leaves, he promises he will come back to wherever Savannah is during his next break from the army. He promises to marry her. She vows to wait for him, and that she does. But she cannot wait forever.

Become indulged in the story of John and Savannah. Learn to love and let love go through their tale that is heartbreaking, yet utterly uplifting. And if you have already read or seen “The Notebook,” put the story of those two lovers behind.

A fan of the book “Dear John” can only wonder how it will stand as a major motion picture. Will the beauty and emotion felt while reading the novel be properly delivered in theaters? Will critics just bash Sparks for seemingly lacking in the creative department? It is sure to be a sappy romance that is perfect for dates. But it will also offer universal-like themes that all can benefit from. Anyone who gravitates toward novels overflowing with smiles and tears should pick up “Dear John,” as it sure to leave an imprint before reaching the conclusion.

Have you seen those anti-smoking commercials? One shows a woman mixing a frozen cocktail in her workplace so she can go out for her smoke break. The commercial says something like, you don’t drink every time you smoke; but you smoke every time you drink. Then there’s the car one with a guy rushing frantically through a parking lot trying to get into any car: you don’t drive every time you smoke, but you smoke every time you drive.

Well, imagine searching for a book each time you are about to eat. You don’t read every time you eat, but you eat every time you read.

That’s my problem. Whenever I read – which, I must admit, is quite a lot – I have to eat. I have to snack. And it’s never on carrots and green beans. No, give me Fig Newtons, four-cheese crackers, bunny grahams, Ben & Jerry’s. And it’s not like I eat one, maybe two portions and then stop, satisfied… enough said. This is a pretty serious problem; you see, I have lost self control when it comes to snacking while I read. This, of course, leads to weight gain, loss of toned and tight muscles. Yes, flab build up.

I read in the morning, in between classes, after classes, and before bed. Anytime I have a break, I read, whether it be for class or for pleasure. So, I eat unhealthy snacks far too often. What do I do? How can I regain self control?

The past two days, I decided to go to the gym with my book when I got the itch to read. That way, I cannot eat while indulging in literature. This has been quite helpful, for that certain time slot of reading. And that’s that.

I even tried to buy fewer snacks and more healthy options. Oh, then my roommate made brownies and offered me some, and I couldn’t be rude and decline, right? That’s my excuse. Of course I did not decline; I love brownies, their texture and chocolaty goodness.

I’ll have to search Stop & Shop for a satisfying snack that is not so carb and sugar heavy. But what if I am still not ready to control portion size? Even if I have those pre-packaged packs that are 100 calories, or whatever? Maybe I can find another addiction to combine with reading. There’s no way I am giving up reading, so it goes.

It seems quite ridiculous and it is rather embarrassing. But, it’s real. I don’t read every time I eat, but I eat every time I read.

SHARA MARIE <3

Who has two thumbs and is excited for school to start again?

THIS GUY!

How about you?

Why I made this comic:
I felt that the INTRICATE BACKSTORY of comic strip characters needed to be told.

Why it won’t be appearing in the Torch:
Because it’s not very funny.

Discarded Dilligaf #1
Discarded Dilligaf #2

Today is Study Day, meaning No Classes for Anybody. Most of my illustration-major peers are taking the day to paint until their wrists fall off. Me, I’m drawing comics and playing Dragon Age. Such is life.

My favorite thing about Study Day is that it is a Wednesday, which means I will actually be at home in front of my computer at the very minute that a new Zero Punctuation video is released. Yes I am a very special breed of loser. Someday they will build a nature preserve for specimens like me.

At any rate, if you’ve never heard of or watched Zero Punctuation, you should. It’s basically a guy reviewing video games while speaking very quickly and adding little animations to it. It’s quite funny. The link is below.

Zero Punctuation

How are you spending your Study Day?

Still playing Dragon Age. Still awesome.

One thing I like about this game is that it’s a fantasy distopia. Not a post-apocalyptic science fiction setting, nor is it sunshine, unicorns, everyone-recycles-and-we-have-no-more-theft fantasy (I’m looking at you, Dinotopia). Bad things are going down in Ferelden, including but not limited to racism (against the up-until-recently-enslaved elves), mutiny, betrayal, assassination (of key political figures, no less), and dead puppies (PUPPIES! NO!).

Another thing that makes Dragon Age totally awesome is the character interaction. You get several NPCs that you can drag around to help you out in a fight, and unlike most RPGs, they’re all interesting. (I’m looking at YOU, Tales of Symphonia. Seriously, all of the problems in that game could have been solved if they’d just let Colette DIE.) My personal favorites are Alistair, the paladin with a personality; Morrigan, your typical Hot Topic cashier; Zevran, the bisexual elf who seems to think having sex is like saying hello, but he did grow up in a whorehouse so I can’t really blame him; and your dog, whom you can name yourself. (I named mine Samson, after my real dog, who was a totally awesome German Shepherd but is now tragically deceased. He lives on in virtual reality, yay!) Depending on your actions, the characters in your party like you more or less. Morrigan, for example, disapproves practically whenever you solve a problem without murdering a bunch of dudes. Not a big fan of humanity, that Morrigan.

Today’s particular adventure involved not playing Dragon Age at all. I got home from class to find that the X-Box was no longer in our living room. Stunned and disheartened, I wondered what I had done to anger the roommate who owned the X-Box and played Super Mario Galaxy instead until my other roommate came home. She, too, wanted to play Dragon Age, and called me stupid for not doing so myself until I pointed out that the X-Box was nowhere to be found. We theorized that the roommate who owned the X-Box had taken it into her room, which was locked. Bemoaning our fate, and suffering Dragon Age withdrawal symptoms, we considered texting her until we remembered that she had lost her phone a week earlier. Then we had a twenty-minute discussion about just how pissed she would be if we broke down her door, and whether or not it would ultimately be worth it.

She did, eventually, wake up and open her door and give us back the X-Box. They are playing it now, whereas I am writing this blog entry while I should be doing my homework. Good times.

Games you’ve probably heard of, part 6
Games you’ve never heard of, part 5
Games you’ve never heard of, part 4
Games you’ve never heard of, part 3
Games you’ve never heard of, part 2
Games you’ve never heard of, part 1

See what I did there?

Odds are that any of you with any interest in videogames whatsoever have heard of Dragon Age: Origins by this point. Well, I was playing Super Mario Galaxy, minding my own business, when my roommate puts me in a headlock and forces me to play DA:O. And now I must tell you about it.

It is excellent.

…

Okay fine I’ll go into more detail. The controls work, the characters are well-rounded, the story is interesting… basically it’s everything I’d hoped that every other game I’ve played would be.

Except for one little thing: I can’t see anything.

Now, I’m not sure if it’s just the TV I’m playing on or what, but a LOT of this game is text, and I’m having a really hard time reading it. Nines and fives are interchangable, names are all squished together, and figuring out what the heck I’m supposed to do for my quests involves a solid ten minutes of squinting and readjusting my glasses. I even tried sitting directly in front of the screen, all of a foot away from it. No dice.

So yeah, if I could read the text, this game would be perfect.

Games you’ve never heard of, part 5
Games you’ve never heard of, part 4
Games you’ve never heard of, part 3
Games you’ve never heard of, part 2
Games you’ve never heard of, part 1