Hello kids, Henry here. In our last installment, I talked about Tales of Symphonia. Since then I have beaten the game twice and decided that I am not allowed to play it again for at least another year. Instead, I am playing American McGee’s Alice.

For those of you who don’t know, American McGee’s Alice is basically a Gothic re-imagining of the story of Alice in Wonderland. It’s a platforming action/adventure thing released about a billion years ago for PC and Mac.

Before I tell you about the game, I have a story to tell you about how I got the game.

I was lying in the stairwell, minding my own business, when my roommate mentioned off-handedly that she had a copy of the game. None of my spooky friends have shut up about it since it came out, so I was really excited about the opportunity to play it. So excited, in fact, that I decided I had to get down the stairs and to this game as quickly as possible. Since I was already in the lying-down position, it seemed like the fastest way to go would be face-first.

About halfway down the stairs, I realized that going downstairs face-first was a really stupid idea, so I tried to turn myself around before I hit the bottom. I very nearly succeeded, but instead of landing on my feet, I landed on my lower back. It made a very loud THUD and filled my mouth with a coppery taste and blurred my vision for a bit. Now I have stabbing lower-back pains whenever I sit, stand, or lie down. But considering that it’s a result of my own blinding stupidity, I can’t really complain too much.

And now, the game!

Alice opens with the titular character asleep in her bed. A cat knocks over a lamp, and her house is suddenly aflame. Lots of screaming ensues, and then we see Alice again, asleep in a different bed, only this one is in an insane asylum. A nurse tucks a stuffed rabbit into Alice’s arms and she wakes up a bit, snuggling the bunny, at which point the bunny shrieks, “SAVE US, ALICE.”

So begins our descent into Alice’s nightmare.

The first thing that struck me about the game was how old it looks. It’s really funny to read reviews of it now, since most of them praise the graphics. Compared to today’s high-definition hyper-realistic gaming, Alice falls flat on its face. Graphic quality overall could be compared to Super Mario 64.

As for gameplay, the controls handle as though one is sledding downhill while drunk. Even without that, the game is really, really hard, with no in-game tutorial to tell you how to move. I had to look up the controls online, only to find out that I struggled through the first level because the game hadn’t bothered to tell me what button to use to climb. (It is the ENTER key.) And even after knowing how to make Alice move around, her weapons are so weak, her health bar so small, and her enemies so numerous as to make the game nigh impossible.

Story is another area where the game is supposed to shine, but the problem is that most of the game’s story is told from a booklet that comes with the game. I do not have said booklet. So, yeah, no story for me.

So why am I playing this?

1.) To justify the aforementioned stabbing lower back pain.

2.) To increase my Goth street cred.

3.) The Cheshire Cat. Oh, the Cheshire Cat.

For those of you who know Bruce Maddocks, imagine playing a game where you hear his voice telling you creepy riddles throughout. For those of you who do not know Bruce Maddocks, imagine Stephen Fry, Tim Curry, or some other celebrity whose voice is known to make grown men weep with joy. The Cheshire Cat’s dialogue and voice acting are absolutely divine. Alice’s VA is passable, everyone else’s is painful, but the Cheshire Cat is a perfect delight.

previous parts:

http://www.umasstorch.com/blog/2009/09/26/games-youve-never-heard-of/

http://www.umasstorch.com/blog/2009/09/29/games-youve-never-heard-of-part-two/

http://www.umasstorch.com/blog/2009/10/07/games-youve-never-heard-of-part-three/

Tags: dilligaf, henry, platform, video games, videogames

This entry was posted on Friday, November 13th, 2009 at 4:49 pm and is filed under Opinion, Random. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.